Here are some funny one-liners that somebody emailed to me. I thought them hilarious and wanted to share them with you.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

My friend Jim Hicks from Buffalo is one of the smartest newspaper guys around. He shared this item with me to share. I thought it was funny and wanted to share it:

When it comes to newspapers:

• The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country
  

• The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
  

• The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.
  

• USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country, but don't understand the Washington Post.
  

• The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time.
  

• The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
  

• The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country.
  

• The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something scandalous.
  

• The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it.

Some other pearls:

A day without sunshine is like night.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at he tempting moment.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

Alan Dubberley sent me the following, which someone had sent to him over the Internet:

These are actual bumper stickers:

* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

* He who laughs last thinks slowest.

* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

* Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

* Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.

* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

* Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

There are other ways you can tell you are from Wyoming as my enlightened brother Dan from Boulder, Colo. sent it to me. It goes like this:

You Know You're from Wyoming when:

- You design your child's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
- You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
- You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction
- You have 10 favorite recipes for Elk meat.
- The tire store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- You think the start of Elk season is a national holiday.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the coyotes won't prowl on your deck.
- You find -20F a little chilly.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Wyoming friends.

I collect great sayings. These are some I like:

Democracy becomes a government of bullies, tempered by editors. -- Emerson.

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man or women who will get the blame. -- Laurence Peter

Journalism consists largely in saying "Joe Jones died" to people who never knew Joe Jones was alive. -- Chesterton.

"If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me,
The pot's at the other end!"
-- by Bert Whitney, a reader of the books Murphy's Laws.

following are quotes from the Forbes scrapbook "Thoughts on the Business of Life."

"This is no time for ease and comfort. It is the time to dare and endure." -- Churchill

"Successful salesmanship is 90% preparation and 10% presentation." -- Bertrand R. Canfield.

"Every man is his own ancestor, and every man his own heir. He devises his own future, and he inherits his own past," -- H. F. Hedge.

"Don't knock your competitors. By boosting others you will boost yourself. A little competition is a good thing and a severe competition is a blessing. Thank God for competition. "-- Jacob Kindleberger.

"Recipe for success:

Be Polite, prepare yourself for whatever you are asked to do, keep yourself tidy, be cheerful, don't be envious,

Be honest with yourself so you will be honest with others, be helpful, interest yourself in your job, don't pity yourself,

Be quick to praise, be loyal to your friends, avoid prejudices, be independent, interest yourself in politics, and read the newspapers." -- Bernard M. Baruch

"A bible and a newspaper in every house, a good school in every district -- all studies and appreciated as they merit -- are the principal support of virtue, morality , and civil liberty." - Ben Franklin

"The business that considers itself immune to the necessity for advertising sooner or late finds itself immune to business. -- Derby Brown

"There are different ways of saying 'it pays to advertise'. It pays, too, to have a quality product, adequate distribution, good salesmen. Advertising is just one factor in the balance mechanism that leads to a sale: product, quality, distribution, advertising and selling. Advertising is really salesmanship in print. Although capacity may be oversold, you can never oversell the product. You can always continue to sell the goodwill and the assurance of quality and service that make buyers seek out your brand beyond all others." -- Paul B. Buckwalter

"Advertising is the principle of mass production applied to selling." -- John T. Dorrance

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